


too much, too well, too far

by emblems



Category: Free!
Genre: Angst, M/M, SouMako Week, tears everywhere
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-16
Updated: 2014-10-16
Packaged: 2018-02-21 09:15:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2462852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emblems/pseuds/emblems
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Makoto realizes, in a burst, that Sousuke has not cried. He has yelled and begged, but he has not cried.</p><p>Not once.</p><p>He has been holding back all day, since he woke up this morning to find Makoto gone from their bed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	too much, too well, too far

His throat is closing up, leaving him incapable of breathing and of processing and of even  _thinking_. All because Sousuke is looking at him with red-rimmed eyes and with fists clenched at his sides.

Makoto had been expecting this conversation since this morning, when he left his apartment—the one Sousuke had just moved into. 

( _left_ , completely and utterly, with nothing except a note saying ‘sorry, sousuke, but i can’t do this’ left on the empty pillow)

Barely able to look at Sousuke, Makoto finds himself wishing he could have avoided this conversation just a little longer.

He should know better by now, though—and he does, because he knows Sousuke.

And because he knows Sousuke: Makoto realizes, in a burst, that Sousuke has not cried. He has yelled and begged, but he has not cried.

Not once.

He has been holding back all day, since he woke up this morning to find Makoto gone from their bed.

Makoto can see it in the lines on Sousuke’s face—the question there:

_what did i do wrong—_

_please explain to me—please, Makoto, please._

Sousuke has been holding back  _for all this time_. 

Makoto remembers words about Sousuke relaxing around Makoto.

He remembers how Sousuke slowly but surely lowered his guard around Makoto.

He remembers the first time Sousuke cried openly in front of Makoto.

And now they have reverted to square one.

All because Sousuke knows that crying will only make Makoto feel guilty, will make Makoto want to come back (and Sousuke will not resort to coercion; he knows better, now).

Sousuke knows this because Makoto told him.

Makoto told him  _so much._

Too much, always too much—he’d brought them both here, to this point, because he just couldn’t keep his bleeding heart to himself.

He messed up, and the aftermath is staring him in the face.

(the aftermath is Yamazaki Sousuke on the verge of tears, and Tachibana Makoto does not know how to cope with that)

His hands wind through his own hair, clutching at the strands.

It doesn’t make any sense, really.

Not at all, not when it all had been going so well—

_but that’s just it—_

Too well, all too well—that was the problem.

He’d given too much and he’d given too soon.

He never expected this.

He didn’t expect Yamazaki Sousuke to work his way into his life and into his apartment and into his bed and into his heart.

Not so quickly.

And he couldn’t look at Sousuke—Sousuke, who dreamt so much and wanted for so much—without remembering he would never reach the level Sousuke was aiming for.

He’d never anticiated this relationship.

He let it take him by surprise, and then he let it go on for too long.

He lingered, he stayed even knowing what was happening, that he was getting too attached.

Sousuke won’t look away.

This would be so much easier if he stopped looking at him with those eyes.

Makoto puts his face in his hands, shoulders shaking,

I’m sorry, he says, he chants, over and over.

The words don’t make it past the sobs stuck in his throat.

There are so many things the apology is for, but right now, it is because Makoto has the nerve to cry when he is the one that left in the first place.

He cries while Sousuke stands in silence, eyes still rimmed red. 

**Author's Note:**

> this would not have been possible without sara, so go follow her on [twitter](http://twitter.com/boxmars) and [tumblr](http://i-am-weis.tumblr.com).
> 
> comments make me happy. <3 (or come cry in [my askbox](http://rizahawkai.co.vu), either works.)


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